In the future we'll all be gay
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
