I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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