Capitaan dildo arrescate!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
