Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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