It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
