You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What a dumb baby whore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
