Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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