I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
