Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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