My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
