there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
