Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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