When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
