Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
