Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
