1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
