JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
