you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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