I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
