If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
