I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
