I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
