you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
