I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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