I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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