Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
