Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
