In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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