i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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