Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
