I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
