Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
