I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
