I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
