billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
