I hate all girls vehemently.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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