You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
