yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
