At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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