my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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