You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
did i just pee glitter
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
