low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
