i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize