I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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