the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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