i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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