can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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