Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
