dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
