The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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