We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
