You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
