I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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