Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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