Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
