I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
