I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
