I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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