Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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