Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
