There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
