i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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