you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize