If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
