She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
