Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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